The Joy of Memes

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Hey y’all,

So… I’m making memes now. It was that something new learned this week.

For the record, I’m very proud of the meme that starts this blog.

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In my personal life, I’m addicted to Facebook in a love/hate kind of way. My now ex-partner hates it and I wouldn’t say I love it, but it’s become a habit. An annoying habit. Anybody who is not addicted to any kind of social media and does not participate -especially if that somebody isn’t a hermit in a cave somewhere in the Rockies – has my respect.

But I’m a sucker for memes, especially the good ones. It’s such a succinct way to get a pithy message across with words and a visual. Thanks to my flailing in the world of Pinterest, I came across a blog on how to make memes.

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So I read it, and started. And I think I’m kind of hooked.

If I’m not careful memes will take over and I will stop writing. And that would be a bad, bad thing. Perhaps these are natural growing pains that come with donning lots of new hats?

It’s good for my brain to learn new things. That’s what I’m telling myself right now. I’m overwhelmed. I’m trying to embrace it.

But I loved learning about memes. I made 10 memes on my first day. Self-expression feels good to choose images and quotes – sometimes I even use my own. Or I use an image from the piece of artwork from Ella Bandita with a punch that fits in in a different way, and thus alters the meaning. The possibilities are endless. So what’s not to love?  

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The best part is that I already taught something the day after I learned it. My friend and former housemate, Cole is stepping in to help and I taught her how to make memes too. The ones she made were completely different from mine, but fabulous! Maybe we will rock cyber space with our fresh take on things and our memes that go viral.

Or maybe we’ll simply do a great job of getting people’s attention to this website and my stories. Because that’s what I’m really here for, you know?

What about you, dear reader? Do you like to pass the time making memes, finding memes, or both? What are some of your favorites? Let’s have some show and tell, please.

Peace,

Montgomery

PS: Here’s the link to a site that makes it really, really easy to make a meme:

https://quotescover.com/

PPS: Cole found her medium through the Adobe Spark app. And here is one of hers.

PPPS: Technically, memes have nothing to do with writing. But these can also make some good writing prompts. Pick one and do a freewrite. Come on! I dare you.

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Shaking Hands With the Devil

Image by Lothar Dieterich from Pixabay

Very few people can boast they shook hands with the Devil and walked away unscathed.

For me, the Sorcerer of the Caverns was that devil and the most cunning monster I’ve ever known. As the maestro behind the first adventures I would journey through in life, the experiences involving the Sorcerer were the most bizarre and the most incendiary.

After meeting him, my world blew apart. Yet nothing else would have delivered me to the open road that brought me here.

The wisdom I gained in those months would always serve me well.

Perhaps the most shocking lesson I learned was the bondage created through hate. The envy and loathing I had cultivated for the Patron’s Daughter had bound my soul with hers – and with that, my destiny.

Had I known the consequences, maybe I would have tried to find another release for those violent sentiments.

Image by Rúben Gál from Pixabay

Image by Rúben Gál from Pixabay

Then again, that may have been impossible.

The Sorcerer of the Caverns understood the ties made of animosity, and used that knowledge to his advantage.

His first promise to me was transformation. The Sorcerer swore he would make me beautiful.

But only if I could get him what he wanted.

Of course, the Sorcerer of the Caverns didn’t want to seduce an ugly peasant like me.

Beautiful and vicious, with a vanity that was both excessive and resolute, the Patron’s Daughter presented an unusual appetite for the Sorcerer.

But the greatest obstacle was her heart.

For centuries, the Sorcerer had ensnared his conquests through those desires that were beyond their reach. Because the Patron’s Daughter had been indulged and pampered all her life, she had no yearning.

With nothing to tempt her, such a girl would never sell her heart to satisfy a forbidden longing.

Image by Oberholster Venita from Pixabay

That’s where I came in.

The Sorcerer wanted to seduce the Patron’s Daughter, but I would have to give up my heart and deliver his conquest. 

I laughed in his face.

“That’s ridiculous! I hate her.”

“I know you do.”

“I’m pretty sure she hates me too.”

“No,” the Sorcerer replied. “You don’t matter enough for hatred, Addie. Not in her eyes.”

A surge of ire burst in my breast, and that must have shown on my face because the Sorcerer smiled.

“And that’s what makes you perfect for this, Addie.”

Suddenly, it sunk in that my heart would be the payment.

I had never been one for sentiment, but I resisted.

I declared my heart shouldn’t be necessary since the Patron’s Daughter was the Sorcerer’s choice, and I risked death if anything went awry. I argued the best I could, but I lost.

The Sorcerer did not gain his immortality on his conquests, but lived for centuries feeding on virgin hearts.

Because he needed deception to seduce the Patron’s Daughter, he could never claim her heart after her virginity. Since the Sorcerer could never have the heart of the Patron’s Daughter, he had to take mine instead.

And I was definitely a virgin.

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

However, my resistance must have caught him off guard.

To convince me to sacrifice my heart, the Sorcerer promised another spell that I would only grow more beautiful as the years passed.

At the time, I thought that temptation frivolous. Youth never considers the vicious reality of old age, and vanity is seldom an indulgence of the ugly.

I gave in simply because the Sorcerer wouldn’t. I couldn’t appreciate the power and security of that piece of magic for decades.

Because of it, I’ve been spared the humiliation suffered by many of my sisters once they became women of a certain age.

Even with such extravagant promises, I didn’t accept right away.

I actually took a few days to think about it.

The possibility of beauty and grace was a dream that I had never had the audacity to fantasize for myself. But I couldn’t fathom how any of this should come to pass.

First, how could I ever lure the Patron’s Daughter to the Sorcerer?

Second, how could one as ancient and repellent as the Sorcerer possibly seduce her?

My reservations aside, I accepted his offer.

The next few days of backbreaking, thankless labor in the fields reminded me that I truly had nothing to lose.

This excerpt is from my work-in-progress, The Shepherd and the Courtesan. If you’d like to check out a previous excerpt, click HERE.

The Things We Take With Us When We Die... - On the Road #20

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OH!

The woman lamented at not having her camera at the ready to capture such an amazing moment.

I knew I should have looked more for it.

The colors set the mountain on fire, the migrating cranes purring above her head, and the up close and personal appearances of the Dall sheep convinced her of it.

Of course I'd have no camera on this day, and I'll forget everything...she thought for a moment and then a vision of her grandfather appeared in her mind.

Only if you choose to, he replied quietly.

If I choose to? What do you mean, grandfather?

Open your heart to let it in and etch it into your soul.

The woman laughed.

Don't laugh, my child with what is best. Etch it into your soul and you can take it with you when you die. Can't take your pictures with you, now can you?

Grandfather! I'd just like some good photos to show my friends.

So you can show off.

The woman shrugged.

That's one reason I'm sure, but also so it can stir up memories later. I especially like to stir up good memories when I feel sad...it gives me hope

Etch it in your soul and you will never forget while you're alive. That's much better than any picture.

Really, Grandfather...

No, do you have a record of the first time you felt a crush? Bet you can still remember the feeling of electricity searing you from the inside out.

The woman nodded.

Do you remember your first kiss? Your first love? The first time a work of art made you stop and absorb it? The first time you felt your body surrender to music and the dance that ensued as a result? Good times with friends? The first time you traveled to a country not your own? Happy Birthdays that are extra special? Every feeling of success you've ever had to work for?

Yes, of course I remember.

Do you have photos, movies, and recordings of every special moment of your life?

No.

And you're telling me that you can't transport yourself back to those moments?

Yes, Grandfather, of course I can.

That's the stuff, child, that you take with you when you die.

What of the bad and the sad, Grandfather?

What of them, dear? They are part of life.

I remember those at will too.

What in hell are you doin' that for? Dump 'em. Go brew a pot of coffee and savor the smell while it's percolating. Make sweet potato bread and lick the bowl of leftovers while the spices permeate your kitchen.

Easier said than done.

It's as easy to do as to say. Your choice. Why fill yourself up with bitter memories of those who take, betray, take some more, and betray some more? The mistakes we make and the villains we meet are the waste of a life fully lived. Do you resist taking a shit when the urge strikes you?

The woman laughed. Of course not.

Then don't be such a sucker. Let your bowels do their job and dump your memories of them. Make something pretty. Go on a hike, listen to the water flow, feel the mist of a waterfall on your face, go molest some silk, dropping it a notch in luxury with your grubby human hands. Fill yourself up with the stuff that you'd want with you later.

The woman smiled as she hiked along the mountains aglow with the colors of fall, the rain stopped, the clouds lifted and blue of the sky competed with the setting sun as she walked down the path she came up.

It would be a good night for the aurora.

Etch it in your soul...

PS I think this was one of my favorite entries of the booktour/roadtrip. I was hiking in Denali and forgot my camera. Fitting really, because I did not take any pictures of that trip, which I both regret and kind of respect. But on that hike, all these amazing things happened, and I felt like an idiot for not bringing my camera. But a memory of a woman I met on one of my tours when I worked as a hiking guide made me see it differently. She was so moved by the experience and the beauty of SE Alaska that she said on the hike back: “These are the things we take with us when we die.” Remembering that on that hike, I really took the time to absorb the day and wrote this lyrical piece to my friends and family on my email list. If you’d like to see the previous post about that book tour/roadtrip, click HERE.

The Moment of Truth

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The Sorcerer punched his thigh, watching the girl leave. 

He bellowed through his nose while she took the spiral out of his Caverns two stairs at a time. He had waited for too long to claim this one to allow her to slip away. 

He glimpsed the liquid cloud of second sight. The vial was on the top shelf carved in the eastern wall, resting beside a small cauldron. 

Perhaps he could see something useful.     

He took them both to the table and sat on the sofa, resting his palm where the girl had been. He savored the heat she left behind until the image of her was clear in his mind. 

Then he emptied the vial into the cauldron and closed his eyes. His face smarted from the smoke rising to form a cloud above his head. 

The Sorcerer cast his mind and heard the girl’s labored breathing before he saw her running through the trees. 

She came out of the woods at the river, close to where he had found her the previous morning just as she was about to jump.

This time she wasn’t alone. 

On the other side of the river was the giant gray stallion, the one that ran wild in the Abandoned Valley. Although he was a mammoth among horses, his glossy coat blended with the rising light and the girl didn’t see him until he pulled his head from the water. 

She glowed when she saw him, the radiance in her face surprising the Sorcerer before he remembered that summer when she rode in the Abandoned Valley. 

The handsome young Horse Trainer had always accompanied her on a splendid gray colt. This must be the same animal. 

The girl called out. 

The giant equine looked at her for a moment before turning away. 

As the animal ran for the far reaches of the Abandoned Valley, the Sorcerer saw the crest of the Patron seared into its left flank.

The girl shook her head and turned towards her father’s manor. 

The house was high enough to view the fields, orchards of unborn peaches, and forests of the family estate, as well as the village to the south. 

The manor was backlit by the coming sun, and the household would be coming awake to start the new day. 

The girl stretched her limbs to their limit and fled. 

She didn’t stop until she came to the garden of lilies encircling the house. 

The top bulbs peeked at her from above her head, but the girl had her gaze fixed on the massive door carved from the wood of peach trees. 

With her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes, the girl could have been a refugee at the gates of sanctuary.

Then she touched her hair. 

The coil had come undone when she fell in the river, the golden tresses hung loose and tangled to her waist. 

She looked over the stains on her gown and paled, her fingers touching the remnants smeared across her face. When she faced the front door again, the shine dimmed from her eyes. 

The girl took several deep breaths before following the path to the portico. Her hand shook reaching for the knob.

All was quiet when she stepped in.

She made her way down the hall running through the center of the house. 

One door opened to a salon on the west side, while the one on the east was closed. 

At the end of the corridor, twin doors opened to the dining room. 

From the west side, two servants swept in from a second door, which the Sorcerer assumed to be the kitchen. 

Their arms were laden with a basket of steaming bread, a cutting board with a round of cheese, a tray of sliced oranges, and a silver pitcher of coffee. 

They seemed unaware of the girl’s presence, arranging the breakfast at the far end of the table near the lone place setting. 

From the parlor, the rising sun shone through the eastern windows, gleaming along the wooden floors to fade away before the stairs.

The sudden creak in the floor made the younger maid start and look up. 

At the sight of her Patron’s daughter, she spilled the tray of oranges. 

The other servant turned and scowled at the stains on the pristine linen.  She opened her mouth to scold the other, but closed it when she saw who stood just beyond the doors. 

The Sorcerer suspected this must be the girl’s personal maid when the woman curtseyed. 

She looked over her mistress, taking in the ruined gown, unkempt hair and grimy face, and paled more than the younger maid.

The servants looked at each other and back to the girl, all three standing motionless, a temporary tableau of panic until the heavy tread coming down the stairs spurred them to action. 

The older maid hurried to place the tray of oranges over the soiled tablecloth, the younger poured a stream of coffee into a china cup, and the girl turned to meet her father. 

The Sorcerer also held his breath, knowing that what he wanted depended on the Patron’s reaction.   

His boots appeared first as he stepped down from the landing. 

The Patron would be working in the fields again that morning. He was dressed in peasant garb, and there was a permanent cake of mud around the soles of his boots. 

His torso still held vestiges of the formidable strength he possessed when he had claimed this estate as a young man. His large hands were calloused from years of hard work, the mark of a farmer. 

Yet his hands were also those of a nobleman, his fingers scrubbed each day, his nails rounded and clean of dirt. 

The Patron stopped when he saw his daughter, eyes wide with surprise. 

He opened his mouth as if to speak. 

Then his gaze dropped. 

As he took in the girl’s appearance, he flushed and his lips clamped in a tight line. 

He shook his head, flicked his eyes away, and descended the last stretch of stairs, to step past the girl to the dining parlor. His manner was stately when he claimed his seat at the end of the table.

The girl stared after her father, the high color draining from her cheeks.  Her lips trembled and empty swallows rippled down her throat as she fought to regain her poise.   

The maids shifted their regard between their Patron and his daughter.  He said nothing until he had taken a few sips of coffee. 

Then he placed a few orange slices on his plate and reached for the bread, nodding at his daughter with a glance to her maid.

“I think she needs to attend to her toilette.”

“Yes, Patron.”

The rigid features of the older servant relaxed.  She left her position at table to approach her mistress and curtseyed to her again.

“Would you like me to draw you a bath, Miss?”

As the last of the liquid cloud dissipated, the polite smile and empty eyes of the aging lady’s maid faded from the Sorcerer’s mind, yet the well-modulated voice lingered. 

Miss, he wondered, frowning. Miss. 

How strange that her own maid should address her in such a common manner, even if she was the only person in the entire village who spoke to the girl. 

His eyes snapped open. 

He’d forgotten the Patron had never given his daughter a name. 

The Sorcerer of the Caverns leaned back into the pillows of blood red velvet, smiling up at the bright sky at the end of the tunnel. 

She would be back.   

The Sorcerer's Temptation

I can see the feasting has made you rather bold. Really. You could be…fascinating.

I can see the feasting has made you rather bold. Really. You could be…fascinating.

“So how did a wench with such a lusty appetite come to the point of throwing herself into the river?”

“If you’re such a mighty Sorcerer, then you should already know the answer to that question.”

“I can see the feasting has made you rather bold,” he chuckled. “Really. You could be fascinating.”

“What do you want?”

“I already have what I want, Girl. Question is…what do you want?”

The girl chortled, the bark cut short from an upsurge of bile burning the back of her throat.

The pain of eating too much came upon her in that moment.

She curled into a ball and wondered if she would burst from gluttony until her silent memories swept in.

The image of empty faces and condemning eyes seared through and emptied her again. But the ache remained in her belly and the Sorcerer looming over her made her uneasy.

Yet she also remembered this was the first conversation she’d had in almost seven years.

“What do you think?” she muttered, sitting up. “I want to not be so alone. I want people to care. What else could I possibly want?”

The Sorcerer raised his brows and the hairless arches deepened the grooves in his forehead.

“Come on, Girl. Don’t be so paltry in what you wish for. You can do better than that.”

The heat rushed to her cheeks, but she said nothing.

The Sorcerer rested his chin on interlaced fists and waited.  

That squeeze clenched inside her breast.

But this time she wasn’t so foolish to hope her heart beat again. Staring into the colorless eyes of the Sorcerer, who gazed back at her with a bland expression, the girl couldn’t move.

“I want anybody I choose to fall in love with me,” she finally said. “Can you really make that happen?”

The Sorcerer of the Caverns smiled, his teeth the longest she’d ever seen, the dark yellow gleaming against his matted dusty beard. He nodded.

“And what do you want of me?”

“I want to lay with you,” he said. “And I want you to give me your heart.”

The girl froze.

Although her heart had been dead for years, she clasped her hands over her breast to protect what rested underneath. The thought of giving it to the Sorcerer made her stomach churn.

She shook her head before she spoke.

“No.”

“Not so hasty, Girl. I think you may like what I have in mind for you.”

“I said no.”

She stood and looked up the staircase spiraling out of the Caverns.

Then the snap of fingers made her flinch, and the sound bounced off the stone and reverberated up the tunnel.

A boulder slid across the top and the girl watched the nighttime stars disappear.

She couldn’t quite believe this was happening to her, but she still wasn’t afraid.

A calm descended on the girl as she watched the Gateway to the world above close off to her. She looked at the Sorcerer.

His robes cascaded around his throne; his hair and beard were dull against the opulence of gold and velvet.

“I’ve heard stories about you all my life,” she said. “But never once did I hear that you could force me to stay. Not even once.”

“That’s true,” he replied. “However, I can insist that you listen to what I have to say before you refuse me.”

The Sorcerer waved his hand to the sofa.

The girl saw the table was clear, the ruins of the banquet gone as if the feast had never happened.

Instead, a bronze triad of candles stood in the center of the table beside the crystal she pulled from the tunnel walls.

“Have a seat,” he continued. “You may find my offer enticing.” 

To master the secrets, you must surpass the ancient knowledge.

To master the secrets, you must surpass the ancient knowledge.

She sat down. Her back was straight as a rod, her hands in a tight clasp, her limbs rigid, a silent prayer repeating through her that she had to get out of the Caverns.

For a moment, she panicked at the thought that the Sorcerer might read her mind.

But he gave no indication he could as he took the crystal stargaze and held it to the candles.

Its essence came free, and the colors whirled around them.

The girl grew light-headed, but dropped her lids. She refused to look up until she’d made herself blind to everything but the Sorcerer.

Then she opened her eyes and focused only on him until the essence was brought home to the crystal and the colors fell.

“You have a strong command over yourself,” he said.

“Just tell me what you want and be done with it.”

He set the crystal down and pushed it across the table, its tiers spinning before her.

“If you lay with me just once, I will bless this stargaze with the power to steal the heart of any man you desire. But…”

The Sorcerer paused.

“If you lay with me many times, I will teach you the arts of seduction.”

The Sorcerer slowed his speech to the lulling cadence of persuasion.

The girl listened. She couldn’t stop her limbs from softening nor could she hold the tight grip of hands.

“To master the secrets, you must surpass the ancient knowledge. If you can do this and pleasure me more than any woman ever has, I will give you a dust you can use for protection.”

“What does such a dust do? 

“Blow a pinch when faced with an enemy,” he said. “Say the first thing that comes to your mind and thus, your enemy is changed.”

“So far, this sounds…” the girl trailed off. “Why not just make this your offer?”

The right side of the Sorcerer’s brow crinkled deeper. She scowled, hesitating before she continued.

“My heart’s been dead for years anyway. Why would you want it?”

“All or nothing.”

The girl tensed. She thought an agitated serpent might have invaded her belly. The longer she looked into the Sorcerer’s eyes, the tighter the coil around her innards became.

“No,” she said. “I won’t do it. Just let me go.”

“I’m not done yet,” he retorted. “If you give me your dead heart, I will make you immortal.”

This excerpt is out of Ella Bandita and the Wanderer. To purchase the ebook, click here.

 

Silence Made Her Numb

The girl turned back to the mirror and stared.

The girl turned back to the mirror and stared.

Silence made her numb.  But the girl didn’t mind.  The numbness guarded her against the air grown heavy with quiet wherever she went and the turn of backs on her approach.  Nothing could touch her until one early spring morning when that unseen cloak was stripped away.

 

That day started like any other.  She bore her grooming with the usual stoicism.  The disapproval of her maid was apparent in the vicious pull of gathers, the servant punishing her mistress for her refusal to wear a corset.  The girl turned her head and caught a glimpse of the prim mouth, lips clamped tight.  The graying lady’s maid glanced up and scowled, then kept her gaze on task until the laces were knotted at the small of her back.

 

The girl waited for the click of the door before reaching around and undoing the ties that bound her, and like she did every morning, twisting until she’d regained freedom of motion.  She closed her eyes and savored the flow of breath filling her up and making her head swim.  As her fingers finished a loose bow at the back of her waist the girl sighed, her lids fluttering.  Then she caught the image before her. She froze for an instant, and spun around to find who could be in the room with her.  But she was alone.  The girl turned back to the mirror and stared.

 

“How did this happen?”   

 

Even the sound of her voice was startling.  Her tone had gotten deeper and her throat was scratchy from disuse.  But her attention was still captive to her reflection.  The oval looking glass stood tall, and she kept it in the furthest corner of the room so she would never see herself.  She had been all arms and legs the last time she had, plagued with the awkwardness of girls who were not yet women and no longer children.  She came closer, almost wondering if the silhouette was a phantom, and stopped a few paces away.  Her palms roamed down her hips.  The smooth fabric was cool against her fingers, her gown the shade of gunmetal, her hair a coil of gold at her neck.  The girl followed the gesture in the mirror proving the image she saw was herself.  She was pleased her figure was trim, not voluptuous.  Yet her body curved in the shape of a woman.

“How did this happen?”“When did I grow up?”

“How did this happen?”

“When did I grow up?”

“When did I grow up?”

 

She realized her birthday had passed a few days before.  She was now twenty.  The age when she could come into society and attend the Carnival masquerades and seasonal balls, like the one where her father had met her mother.  The girl made another move toward her mirror and stepped into the ray of sun streaming through the eastern windows.  The light glared on her blunt features and wide mouth, and reminded her how ugly she was.  She had the face of a savage. 

 

She turned her back, but the pain had already started.  Inside her breast, the clawing squeeze came on suddenly, leaving the girl confused and even incredulous.  It had been so long since she’d felt anything.  Perhaps her heart had come back to life.  The girl brought her hand to her neck and pressed her fingers into her throat.  But there was nothing.  She grew dizzy, making her way back to her bed and dropping into the creamy sea of quilts.  She waited for the sensation to fade away, for the numbness to wrap itself around her as it always did.  Instead the clawing descended and writhed in the apex of her belly. 

 

Then the girl saw herself on one of her father’s stallions, pushing the animal to run until she could disappear.  She sat up, craving the sensation that would make this go away.  She pushed off the bed, taking a pair of peasant breeches from the armoire and donned them under her skirts and petticoats. 

 

As the girl rushed down the corridor and down the stairs, she was vaguely aware of the aroma of warm bread and coffee, the portrait of her mother glowing in the eternal flame of lamps that were never extinguished.  She felt the attendants in the dining parlor staring at her back when she hurried for the front door.  Outside, the air was chilly from the lingering memory of winter, yet the fragrance of early bloom refreshed. 

 

But the girl had no mind for anything but the stables.  She ran down paths weaving through masses of lilies, her gaze fixed on the lean, young stallion with its head over the stall when she came out of the garden.  The cinnamon coat gleamed and strands of honey mane shined from a recent brushing.  That one was fast, perfect for what she needed.  She waved the stable boys back to their chores and readied the horse herself.  The clawing had relented by the time she swung her leg over the powerful back, but she ached everywhere.  The girl warmed up the stallion, cantering him along the peach trees and preparing him to run. 

 

She saw her father when she turned her mount towards the western fields.  The Patron was with his best farmers, the darkness of the Ancient Grove looming behind them.  The men must have been taking a respite from their labor, standing with straight backs.  The sounds of cheery talk peppered with lusty chuckles echoed across the expanse.  The girl listened to them and remembered her birthday had been forgotten.  Even she had forgotten.  She thought of riding towards the group and hesitated.  But her heart was dead.  Yet she could still hurt.  The girl set off towards them and the men fell silent on her approach. 

Then the girl saw herself on one of her father’s stallions, pushing the animal to run so she could disappear.

Then the girl saw herself on one of her father’s stallions, pushing the animal to run so she could disappear.

 

She almost lost her courage, tempted to ride past them.  She flushed uncomfortably warm when she stopped before the group.  But seven years had passed.  How much longer could this endure?  Ignoring his farmers, she focused on her father.  The Patron faced the manor on the highest hill, the line of his rugged features even more handsome in profile.  The girl had to force herself to remain, staring at the Patron until he finally turned to her.  When the girl met her father’s light brown eyes, she saw the same emptiness she had her entire life and the pain clawed through her again.  In that moment, she knew nothing would ever change.  There’d be no Carnivals, no balls, no masquerades.  She was an outcast and that was all she would ever be.     

 

The farmers began to shuffle the ground, averting their eyes from their Patron and his daughter.  Their silence echoed across the fields, but the girl thought she might break apart from the mute scream trapped inside.  Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she refused to cry.  She kicked her mount and left her father and his devoted tenants behind.  The girl was desperate to lose herself in the run, shouting at the stallion to go faster, faster.  She couldn’t make herself disappear, but lost herself in perpetual motion.

 

She didn’t recognize where she was when the stallion slowed down.  The grasses were long, grazing along her feet while her mount cut a swathe through them, coming to the edge of a forest where the freshly sprouted leaves reflected the morning light softly and the song of birds could be heard from the trees.  She turned the horse around and almost laughed out loud when she saw the river and the Ancient Grove far southeast of her.  The girl hadn’t been to this place in years, the northwest border of the Abandoned Valley where life returned once inside the trees.    

 

Memories of the place flooded through her, an onslaught of euphoria that burst the girl into laughter, even with the clawing inside her.  It made a bittersweet ecstasy, as palpable as the days when she came here with the Horse Trainer who had come as a Vagabond.  She could still see his face, the warmth in his golden brown eyes and smile.  The girl remembered the wild gray colt the Trainer always rode, and wondered if the animal still ran in the Abandoned Valley.  Then she recalled that day when the colt escaped her father’s stables and started to weep.  The bliss that caught her unawares became a torment.  She would never have that kind of joy again.

She would never have that kind of joy again.

She would never have that kind of joy again.

 

She spurred the horse to go, her vision blurred from the hot tears streaming down her cheeks.  Her mount stopped suddenly, startling the girl when she found herself staring up at the dark trees of the Ancient Grove looming before her.  She heard the roar of the river beneath her and realized the stallion would stop where the current was most dangerous. 

 

The girl closed her eyes.  She knew this was the last place she should be.  The Ancient Grove and Abandoned Valley had been forbidden for centuries.  Only trouble came from being anywhere near here and she knew that more than anybody.  But the thought of going home almost made her laugh again, the image of her father’s manor as her home somehow absurd.  Instead of guiding the horse downriver where the current eased up, the girl remained where she was, listening for anything beyond the rushing water.  But she heard no birds singing, no rustle of animals in the trees.  Here, the silence was soothing to the girl, coming as it did from an absence of life.  Again, there was that squeeze inside her breast and the girl hoped for the resurrection of her heart.  She pressed her fingers into her neck where she felt nothing.      

 

“Enough,” a soft voice murmured from her belly.  “No more.”

 

The resolution echoed through the girl who opened her eyes to the river.  Long sheaths of water sliced into each other, the snowmelt pushing the current to violence.  The girl imagined herself falling in, her relief more frightening than the thought of drowning.  She would never have to go numb again, for that would certainly make the pain stop.  The girl closed her eyes again and breathed in deep.  The water smelled so fresh.  

 

She dismounted and slapped the stallion’s rump until he left without her.  Then she turned back to the river, becoming lighter as she came to the edge where water met earth.  She cried out when she stepped in, the cold stabbing her feet and ankles.  The impulse to get out made her angry and she resisted, biting her lower lip until her feet lost all feeling.  Then she took a longer stride into the river, the hairs rising on her flesh when she nearly lost her balance.  The current tugged at her calves, whirling her skirts and petticoats around her knees.  An icy shiver ran up her spine and set her limbs to shaking.  The rushing made a dull keening, and the girl wondered if the water yearned for her.  One more step and the river would take her.  But the girl found she couldn’t move and cursed herself for being afraid.

 

Then he spoke.  His breath teased along her right ear, just before the murmuring of the deepest baritone she ever heard in her life.

 

“There’s a better way.”

Then he spoke. His breath teased along her right ear, just before the murmuring of the deepest baritone she ever heard in her life.“There’s a better way.”

Then he spoke. His breath teased along her right ear, just before the murmuring of the deepest baritone she ever heard in her life.

“There’s a better way.”

His voice rang clear, even over the thrashing water.  The girl froze, her fear exploding into terror.  She could feel him right behind her, standing at her right shoulder.  Turning her head, she saw the Sorcerer of the Caverns looked just like the Cook always said he did.  His hair and beard were the color of dust, hanging in matted ropes to his waist.  Lines etched into the papery skin of his face and his frame was shrunken from the unnatural passage of time.  The blood drained from her face and her head grew light.  The girl opened her mouth, but no words came out.  She should have known better than to come here.  Pieces of legend about the Sorcerer came to mind.  He’d been born an ordinary man until he sold his soul for the powers of magic, and preyed on virgin girls so he would never die.

 

“That way he keeps two steps ahead of the Devil,” the Cook always said at story’s end.  

 

The Ancient Grove and Abandoned Valley were forbidden ever since he came her.  Even her father was powerless against him, just like the Patrons were before him. 

 

His eyes terrified her the most.  When the Sorcerer beckoned, the girl screamed and pulled away, falling until the freeze knocked the wind out of her when she hit.  Then the river buried her.  She flailed in the churning depths, the water choking her when she tried to draw breath.  The last image in her mind before all went black was the Sorcerer of the Caverns, and those colorless eyes that could endure the unblinking stare of the dead.

This excerpt is the beginning of my novel “Ella Bandita and the Wanderer,” and the first novelette, “Birthing Ella Bandita.”

To buy the entire novel as an ebook for $3.99, click here.

If you’d like to see more before buying the novel, download the first novelette for free, click here.

Let Me Just Say One Thing...AAIIGGHH!!! - On the Road #17

Angry New Yorker dude made this guy look mellow.

Angry New Yorker dude made this guy look mellow.

Hey y'all,

 I have seen the future I could have had and it just scared the shit out of me. 

I never, ever thought I would say this, but…I am - with great humility - profoundly grateful for the eight years I spent slinging booze, cussing out drunks, throwing grown men out of bars, and sighing helplessly while at the mercy of women in the throes of alcoholic switch-bitch psychosis.

But goddamn! Tonight has shown me that my time spent as a bartender were not only years not wasted, but they saved me from possibly becoming one of the people I just met at a workshop on self-publishing. 

Cool mask. Never wore one while at work.

Cool mask. Never wore one while at work.

I’ve been holed up in an accidental cabin behind the Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska. This place is a spit away from Anchorage, with its own itty-bitty town vibe. The owner of the place said he learned everything about what not to do in constructing a cabin while he was building the one I’m staying in. 

I didn’t care. I had to have it for the loft and the windows, but what he said about the wiring made me a tad nervous. One of the disadvantages of being on the road, sleeping in the Brown Beast, in hostels, in my tent, etc. is that the creative juices really start to pump and there's no place to spill them. 

Since what I'm doing does qualify as a business trip - hee-hee, haw-haw - I could write it off on my taxes to give myself that precious writer's space while fulfilling my storytelling/bookpeddling commitments in the greater Anchorage area.

Well, last night’s storytelling event at the Oasis was especially demoralizing. It’s been a while since I've hit a low, and I know it's all part of the process. But it still sucks. 

So, tonight I decided to do something different. So I went to Border's to a workshop on self-publishing.

This photo is much more stunning than the group of people I sat with.

This photo is much more stunning than the group of people I sat with.

Incidentally, Border's here in Anchorage is pretty right-on. Jess French found a way around the corporate structure to give me a reading/signing. Since the critical mass was narrowed down to those who liked to read, I had no problem approaching the people my gut instinct told me would be open to what I had, and introducing myself and what I was doing. My gut was on the ball that night. Every person/couple I picked listened to a story. All of them, except the respite provider with her client, bought a book. One couple even bought two.

But back to my self-publishing workshop story…

Since the weather's been stunning and I was on a writing roll, I almost didn't go. But I managed to finish the rough draft of a new story and headed to the workshop. I was surprised to see several people at the table. They had already started even though it was not yet the start time of six o'clock.

I took my seat and sized up the characters around me.

The guy giving the talk had self-published his book as a Print-On-Demand project. He had eyes that seemed to swim inside his sockets. 

Then there was the 50+ New York-to-Anchorage transplant. His hair was dyed black and slicked-back in a ponytail. He also had eyebrows Anton LaVey would have envied. When he introduced himself, I could just hear the tension in his voice. He was angry. Angry and frustrated that he had never been published. 

Looking around at the others as the workshop dude did his talk, I had the sense that everybody there was on the New Yorker's page. 

This was one serious, tight-assed group of people. It seemed as if this was a core writer's group that had workshops at Border's on a regular basis. 

Oh, Chicks with Bics – this night made me miss you so. We actually have fun when we get together. We laugh every time. I don't think any of these people have had a good chuckle in years.

Chicks with Bics enjoyed strawberry chocolate pizza and wine, but these ladies give off a joyful vibe.

Chicks with Bics enjoyed strawberry chocolate pizza and wine, but these ladies give off a joyful vibe.

 This was the most joyless group of intellectual idiots I've met in years. These are the kind of people who give intelligence a bad name.  

Most of the people there were in their 50’s and 60’s. I had the impression that they had lived mostly inside their minds, and hadn’t lived nearly enough in their bodies, much less the world beyond. 

Chances are, they probably wouldn't understand the value of living for the sake of enjoying yourself. 

The pursed lips, the fidgets, the jerks, and the insistence on sticking with the program – I guess they wrote and shared at these workshop? Even the workshop dude felt the need to get on with it and wrap things up with his particular talk, so the others could get going with what they wanted.

On the upside, this only took a half an hour of my life because I left as soon as workshop dude was done. No way was I going to write with these folks.

Every single one of them - male and female, young and old, plain and pretty, gay and straight – reminded me of the maxim: “You need to get laid.” Every single one of them probably needed to get laid really, really badly.

Have sex. You’ll feel better.

Have sex. You’ll feel better.

 The men needed to cut loose and be so obnoxious they might get 86ed from a bar. The women need to get so shnockered to end up sobbing hysterically in the ladies room of the local karaoke bar, struggling to get into their painfully tight shorts while their string bikini panties get tangled around their crotch. All the while testing the patience of the female bartender who had to babysit this embarrassment to womanhood who couldn’t remember her name, much less her address. 

It is impossible to recreate an image of that hot mess, but i was grateful and surprised to find this on pexels and pixabay.

It is impossible to recreate an image of that hot mess, but i was grateful and surprised to find this on pexels and pixabay.

For the record, I was the bartender in that sordid little scene, not the drunk bitch. 

But that's not the point. The point is that the people at that dismal self-publishing workshop really needed to actually have some life experiences that would inspire stories other people might actually want to read.

For instance, the workshop dude told his tale of self-publishing through a small POD publisher that charged him for their services, but got him distribution on Amazon and his one year contract. It cost him more than he made, and in one year he sold 300 copies.

“I didn't have to lift a finger to do it," he smirked.

Anyway, workshop dude with the swimming eyeballs moved on to greener pastures. He got some reviews from total strangers on the Barnes and Noble site; and a bigger small publisher (at least I believe that’s how it was) that had formerly rejected his work, has now picked up his book. He felt successful and good for him.

It all comes down to perspective. 

I received my books in early July and it's now late September. I've probably given away about 80 books, and mailed 20 (my mother said she can sell them). But I've sold just under 200 books in less than three months. I have spent way more money this way. I've also lifted many fingers, some in obscene gestures.

But the experiences I've had doing my little grass-roots book tour have been the stuff of dreams during the best of times, and the content of nightmares at their worst. Most, if not all of these vivid experiences, became the subject of my emails to you.

I don't know if I'll sell or give away all 1100 copies, but I'm sure I'll outsell 300 books in 9 more months. I'll also have more fun doing it.

Maybe I’m an optimist. Maybe I'm out of my mind. If nothing else, this DIY booktour/roadtrip has given me plenty to write home about. 

Don't forget to check out www.juneaumusic.com for all your social butterfly needs.  And while I'm plugging Jason's site, I'll plug myself. "Ella Bandita and other stories," is sold at Rainy Day Books and Hearthside Books for 10 bucks. I'll be in town for a few days in October. Call me and I'll sign it for you. 

By the way, would anybody like to review my book for the local paper? 

Peace,

Montgomery

PS My oh my! How self-publishing has changed since 2005. Much of this story is now outdated to the point of unrecognizable. But it’s fascinating to see how Amazon was a player in the Self-Publishing World even then. And Border’s has been out of business for years. I’m still sad about that.

PPS I have less than 150 copies of the original 1100 left. So, in all I did pretty well.

PPPS If you’d like to read the blog post about my times at the Brown Bear Saloon, click here.


The Last Gamble

I always win.

I always win.

The dealer said he had never seen anybody win and lose and win again like the Gambling Man had that night. He said the high roller gave him the largest tip of the season. Then the dealer saw the woman who had been staring at the Gambling Man all night. Out of gratitude and alarm, he put his hand out to stop him from approaching Ella Bandita. He even had his mouth open to warn him. But the nobleman glanced to the hand on his arm and glared, and brushed him off without a word. The dealer let the Gambling Man go to his fate.

“Congratulations,” she said. “That was impressive.”

“Why feign your good wishes?” he retorted. “You certainly weren’t cheering for me.”

She chuckled and shrugged.

Once he was close to her, the Gambling Man was uneasy and returned to his senses. He remembered his friends and Isabella and groaned. He tipped his hat and wished the strange woman good night. He finished two steps before she arrested him.    

“Why do you love it?” she asked. “What do you love about gaming?”

Luck has no play in games of skill.

Luck has no play in games of skill.

The Gambling Man stopped and turned around. Ella Bandita nodded to his caddy overflowing with chips, but kept her gaze fixed on him. 

“Is it the money?” she continued. “Money you don’t need?”

He was shocked a woman would be so bold to question him like that. He was also excited. All his life, his friends had cheered him on and placed their bets, his family had scolded him, and his sweethearts had cautioned him. But nobody had ever asked him about his passion until now. The Gambling Man smiled for the first time since he saw her, his face glowing with rapture as he answered. 

“No. It’s the games.”

“So you like to play games,” she said. “Why the games of chance?”

“Because I love to win them.”

“Why not games of skill? The victory would be sweeter.”

The rhythm of her speech was steady, her low voice mesmerizing. Ella Bandita was subtle. So much the Gambling Man didn’t realize she was taunting him. Instead, he shook his head in earnest.

“Luck has no play in games of skill,” he said.

“Luck?”

“There were over a hundred men placing bets in here, but only a few of us were taking genuine risks. I nearly lost six months’ income tonight.”          

“Ahhh, I see. And yet, you are the big winner.”

She paused with a smile. The Gambling Man thought her teeth large for a woman, and then he noticed she had the coldest blue eyes he’d ever seen. His stomach clenched, but he ignored the sign and shook his head. 

Why not games of skill? The victory would be sweeter.Luck has no play in games of skill.

Why not games of skill? The victory would be sweeter.

Luck has no play in games of skill.

“At least tonight you are,” she said. 

“I’m the big winner every night.”

“You still haven’t told me why you love it.”

The Gambling Man knew she was playing with him. He was enjoying her game, because it was one he didn’t know. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so engaged by conversation.

“How many people do you think won tonight?” he asked. 

“A few, I suppose.”

“Exactly. And how many of the real gamblers do you think won?”

“I suspect only you,” she said.

“That’s right. Only me.”

“You think that makes you special, don’t you?”

“I have luck on my side. And you think it doesn’t?”

“You really think you’re one of the chosen few?” Ella Bandita asked with one brow cocked, her mouth curved in a knowing grin.

“What a foolish vanity you have. Lady Fortune is fickle. Luck always changes.”

“Not for me, it doesn’t. You saw what happened tonight.”

“Tell me, Gambler, are you looking for the game you can’t win?”

“No, I’m looking to see that I always will.”

“Hmmm.”

“I win at games of chance,” he declared. “I always have.”

 “Perhaps you only play the ones that are easy to win.”

EllaBandita.Fantasy.2

The Gambling Man chortled. He turned and pointed to the table now empty of people, clear of chips, the dice put away until the following night began. Even the dealer had gone.

“You think it’s easy to predict which numbers of the dice will come up?”

“You misunderstand me. I meant games that are safe.”

“The only game of chance I’ve never played is the one I’ve never heard of.”

This excerpt is out of my novel, “Ella Bandita and the Wanderer,” in the novella “The Bard Speaks.”

To purchase the full ebook of “Ella Bandita and the Wanderer” click here.

For a shorter read of “The Bard Speaks,” click here.

If you’d like to read an earlier excerpt from this piece, click here.

Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska - Population 85 - On the Road # 16

I even had a really nice date while i stayed behind the Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska.

I even had a really nice date while i stayed behind the Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska.

Hey y’all,

I have so many vivid memories of the people I met at the Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska (population 85) along the Turnagain Arm.

As tourism slowed way down in the autumn, I stayed in one of the cabins behind the Saloon for about two weeks. I hoped to take a break from selling and being “ON” for the sake of getting some writing done.

The Brown Bear Saloon was my go-to for morning coffee and dinner, as well as those conversations that kept me somewhat tethered to the human race, and kept the loneliness at bay.

I remember meeting a very kind-hearted woman who had been a bartender since she was 23. She had a pretty face, with sparkling green eyes, and graying hair done in braided pigtails. She didn’t work at the Brown Bear Saloon. She had worked in a neighborhood watering hole for 17 years somewhere in Anchorage.

Restaurant/bar work can really suck people in. Most people work in hospitality as they go to college or figure out what they want to do. I had been one of those, and managed to pull myself out of the hospitality vortex in the nick of time.

This lady admitted she had stayed there too long, was burned out, yet didn’t know what to do beyond starting a hot dog stand. I hope she found her way out of there because she was very gentle with a very peaceful energy.

It’s a dirty business. There’s no shame in it.

It’s a dirty business. There’s no shame in it.

I even had a really nice date while I stayed behind the Brown Bear Saloon in Indian, Alaska. Remember, the population was only 85 people, so this date was pretty remarkable.

I don’t remember my date’s name, which I feel bad about because he was a really lovely man. He had dark hair and eyes, and a cheery round face. He took me to dinner and a movie in Anchorage. The movie, “40 Year Old Virgin,” was a guaranteed icebreaker and we both laughed so hard, it hurt.

Afterwards he talked to me about his new career as a teaching assistant in a kindergarten class, and how relieved he was to no longer be a used car salesman. He said that the profession was every smarmy as reputation had it, and gave me a few pointers of tricks they pulled to make a sale more likely.

“For example, say you go for a test drive and come back to the lot. The salesman would encourage you to leave your purse in the car while you look around, go to the bathroom, etc.” 

“How will that make me more likely to buy the car?”

“Because when you leave such a personal item as a purse in a car, you’re already claiming ownership. They salesman is putting it in your mind that the car is already yours.”

I was speechless, and he nodded.

“It’s a dirty business. There’s no shame in it.”

Of everybody who stopped by the Brown Bear Saloon, the motorcycle day-trippers were the most fun to watch. The bikers were not gangsters. They were Anchorage professionals who loved taking day and weekend trips to zoom their bikes along Turnagain Arm and/or into the Kenai Peninsula.

The last pit stop on their way home was at the Brown Bear Saloon. They were a sight to behold decked out in their leathers and bandanas, laughing and talking, and on top of the world.

The last pit stop on their way home was at the Brown Bear Saloon.

The last pit stop on their way home was at the Brown Bear Saloon.

I sold a book to one of them. I don’t remember his name, but we had a lovely conversation about his fiercely independent daughter. She was only 17, and had been out on her own since she was 15. He said she lived in Sitka, had a great head on her shoulders and already so capable of taking care of herself. He sounded so proud of her.

I had been in Alaska long enough to not be shocked by this. Talk about kicking ass and taking names? Alaskan teenagers are a different breed. They believe they can do anything, and they often prove themselves right. I met a woman whose 17 year old son already had acquired his pilot’s license. While I lived in Juneau, two 17 year olds who weren’t of legal age to vote, ran for the council positions on the School Board. Neither of them won, but that’s not the point.

But the kicker was that 2 years later, after I’d been back home in Juneau for a while, I met the weekend biker’s daughter. Her name is Ashley, and she taught skiing and snowboarding, as well as doing Ski Patrol.

Those are the moments that make all the suffering worthwhile.

Those are the moments that make all the suffering worthwhile.

That year was the best snow year on record in Juneau, and I went snowboarding all the time. In a casual conversation, Ashley said she heard I was a writer, asked about my book what was it called?

“Ella Bandita and other stories.”

Ashley got this strange look on her face.

“I have that book. I read it about a year and half ago.”

“What!”

Ashley then tells me this story of her parents meeting me, “this random woman,” buying my book. They read it, and apparently my heart-eating anti-heroine put them off a bit because they thought main story was weird.

But her parents decided to send it on to Ashley anyway as they had intended.

“What did you think?” I asked her.

“I loved it,” she replied. “My parents said, ‘well, I guess you’re weird too.’ But I thought Ella Bandita was awesome. 

Those are the moments that make all the suffering worthwhile.

And I still miss the small town that is the massive state of Alaska.

Peace,
Montgomery

PS: This piece was written from memory of the 2005-2006 DIY booktour/roadtrip in the Alaskan Interior. To check out previous blogs, click here and here.

 

I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry... On-the-Road Loneliness Nobody Talks About - On the Road #15

Loneliness4.jpg

Hey y’all,

I wanted to show off. At the time, I wanted nothing more than to entertain my audience of friends and family.

Strangely enough, that is what I regret the most about the email journal I kept of my DIY booktour/roadtrip in 2005-2006.

That yearlong odyssey was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I only wrote home about the fun stuff, and therefore, I wasn’t being fully honest.

I never wrote about the loneliness. Those long stretches of desolation only came out in hints here and there that only the very perceptive picked up on.

I was so lonesome a sensation of grayness permeated everything.

I was so lonesome a sensation of grayness permeated everything.

Isolation has a relentless quality. 

From what I remember of that trip, there were many chunks of time when I was so lonesome a sensation of grayness permeated everything.

After the excitement of the first weeks wore off, and as summer gave way to autumn, the other travelers had gone home. That’s when I realized that in the “us vs. them” mentality of most Alaskan small towns, I was one of “them.”

Even though at that time in my life, I had lived in Juneau/Douglas for enough years that I had earned my Alaskan spurs, I was not an integral part of the places I passed through in the Interior 

I sold books pretty consistently. Since I had several hundred books in the back of the Beast, I was always “ON.”

Alaskans are very big on community. Contributing to the village is a core value of this state in a way that is lacking in many others.

Travelers and vagabonds don’t invest themselves in the communities they visit. We’re there for our own experience. If we’re cool and awesome about that, we come and go without impact, and are always welcome to come back.

Travelers are there for their own experience.

Travelers are there for their own experience.

 The locals were very nice. People talked to me readily at the bar or the coffee house, and seemed curious about this journey I was on. But nobody invited me home for any dinner, nor to any potlucks that happen as the darkness comes and the summer goes. 

I could hardly blame them. Even in my chats with people, I couldn’t connect with them any more than they could connect with me. The locals were settled and on home ground, while I was on the road.

Constant motion does something to a person.

A few months later, when I would be in Colorado, a college friend told me that I seemed very ungrounded. She was right. It was impossible to stay grounded when all I had to do was pack up the Beast and move on, and that created a here-today-gone-tomorrow mentality.

I remember when the switch flipped in my mind. It was around the 3-month mark.

After that, the only people I could relate to were other travelers looking for the next place to live. Although they were filled with excitement and a sense of adventure (which for me, was like cool water while dying of thirst in the desert), they were as unsettled as I was.

I learned to make the most of every genuine connection, however brief. Every chat and every conversation gave me the nourishment I needed to stay somewhat tethered to humanity, and kept the relentless grayness at bay, and for that sliver of time, I felt relief.

I can’t believe this is my life I’m living. I am so blessed.

I can’t believe this is my life I’m living. I am so blessed.

And then something would shift. The next adventure would begin, and I was off on another limb of this odyssey. I would be so excited I would forget the loneliness. All I could think was:

“I can’t believe this is my life that I’m living. I am so blessed.” 

Peace,

Montgomery

 

PS: This post is from memory, written now about the DIY booktour/roadtrip I was on for a year during 2005-2006. To see the previous post, Lazy Hiking and Positive Omens, click here.

Why Roses Have Thorns - Progress on Illustrations

Illustration by:Natalya Kolosowskywebsite: http://www.lunariusgraphics.comInstagram: @lunariusgraphics

Illustration by:

Natalya Kolosowsky

website: http://www.lunariusgraphics.com

Instagram: @lunariusgraphics

As I said in an earlier post, one of the joys of self-publishing is the power of choice. Creative collaboration is one of my favorite parts of this process, especially when it comes to working with artists and designers. 

I wrote “Why Roses Have Thorns” more than twenty years ago. It was the first fairy tale I ever wrote, and I’d say it was that miraculous beginner’s stroke of luck when that tale flowed out of me. I’m still amazed at how naturally people of all ages connect to this simple parable about the dangers of pride.

Since I use storytelling (NOT reading!), I recently had a chance to witness again the impact this story has on people when I told this tale and “The Golden Pedestal” at my stepdaughter’s school for screen-free week.

Illustration by:Natalya Kolosowskywebsite: http://www.lunariusgraphics.comInstagram: @lunariusgraphics

Illustration by:

Natalya Kolosowsky

website: http://www.lunariusgraphics.com

Instagram: @lunariusgraphics

I had practiced “Pedestal” for days. After I saw an email from the school librarian that set people up to expect both stories, I did a hasty run through of “Roses.” 

Anyway, the librarian’s kids came to my event, and listened attentively with inscrutable expressions. Later, the librarian told me her son had retold “Roses” to his father when he asked about his day.

Talk about the highest compliment a writer can receive! I love it when things like that happen.

Illustration by:Natalya Kolosowskywebsite: http://www.lunariusgraphics.comInstagram: @lunariusgraphics

Illustration by:

Natalya Kolosowsky

website: http://www.lunariusgraphics.com

Instagram: @lunariusgraphics

So needless to say, the illustrator for this story was a crucial choice. 

So far, I believe I hit the ball out of the park in the choice I made with Natalya Kolosowsky for “Why Roses Have Thorns.”

She has been as pleasant and professional throughout this process as she was in our interview. She’s thorough, asks questions, and makes certain we’re clear in our agreement of what my expectations are.

I’m impressed with the level of research she has done to prepare for this story – everything from the shape of roses and other flowers, to greenhouses, children, and the style of illustration during the golden age of fairy tales.

Natalya is passionate about fairy tales, certainly seems to be passionate about my story, and I’m very grateful for that.

I appreciate her grand vision for this work, so much that perhaps the bar is raised for how I want to put this book together. Usually, I try to make books as affordable as possible. To date, I’ve only done paperback and ebook, of course.

Illustration by:Natalya Kolosowskywebsite: http://www.lunariusgraphics.comInstagram: @lunariusgraphics

Illustration by:

Natalya Kolosowsky

website: http://www.lunariusgraphics.com

Instagram: @lunariusgraphics

When I told her I avoid paperback because it’s expensive to produce and thus, must be expensive to sell. I’ve seen hardback children’s books run for $25-30, and I mentioned that.

“But why shouldn’t you make a $30 book? You’re investing a lot to do something unusual that nobody else is doing. An original classical fairy tale that I will make beautiful artwork for, and there are people who would want a hardback copy of something like that because it’s special.”

What she had to say made me think twice. Maybe I will raise the bar and have a hardback and paperback version designed.

I’m also really excited about the artwork she’s done for this project. I think what she has done thus far is fabulous! And what you see are only shots taken by phone!

Previous posts about the process of working with Natalya can be read here and here for anybody who’d like to have a look-see.

 

Making the Right Choice - Illustrators

Illustration-Children'sBook

One of the things I love most about self-publishing is creative collaboration.

I can’t say I love the searching and interviewing process to find my ideal collaborator. But that is a necessary chore.  

Since most of the stuff I write is for an adult audience, I don’t need an illustrator most of the time. But I do write children’s fairy tales from time to time, and 2 were polished enough to warrant completing them into a book form.

I got “The Golden Pedestal” illustrated and designed into a book last year, and I’m working on getting the 2nd one, “Why Roses Have Thorns” illustrated and designed this summer.

By the way, “Roses” was the first fairy tale I ever wrote. 

I learn through making mistakes. Lots of them.

Last year, I didn’t take the time to interview various artists, and went with an illustrator who was willing to work for less because he lacked experience. He said he “always wanted to illustrate a children’s book.”

I had never done this outside of collaborating with friends, and our collective lack of experience caused problems.

So I learned some lessons, and went about things a little differently this year. 

I put up my Craigslist post and waited until I had a healthy variety of choices.

I don’t know what it is about Craigslist, but it seems the incompetent, the inexperienced, the desperate, and the dregs rush to answer brand new posts.

I took my time sifting through the various applications that came in (most of which were hopelessly inadequate), and picked three artists to interview.

Two of the three did exactly as I asked in my post, and the 3rd sent a lot of her work through various replies and was clearly eager.

Since I liked her work and thought it might be appropriate for this story, I asked to meet with her.

Sonja was my second interview, and I really liked her. She really wanted this project, and had an interesting and unique story. Unfortunately, she was not computer savvy and most of her work was from the 80’s.

I’d consider her for another project or to illustrate flyers, but I would need somebody who could transfer her work to a jpg or tiff file.

Truthfully though, the next 2 interviews had a steep slope to impress me because my first interviewee hit the ball out of the park.

It’s weird to remember that I almost didn’t ask for an interview until I thoroughly checked out all the links she sent me.

The illustrations she sent me didn’t impress me as much as the wide range of her experience. Besides illustration, she designs costumes, is a dancer/choreographer/performance artist.

I’m really glad I was thorough because in our interview, she was able to show me work that wasn’t available on her website.

I was also impressed with her follow through.

Since I answered all three at the same time, I thought I had confirmed time and place with everybody. But I hadn’t with her.

So I show up at the tea shop, without my computer or my phone (???!!!!), looked around and waited for about 15-20 minutes. I was perplexed because everything about her seemed so professional.

I began to wonder if I hadn’t confirmed. Since I didn’t have my phone, I didn’t see her email asking for confirmation of where we were meeting.

So Natalya impressed me to no end when she showed up, even though she wasn’t certain I would be there.

Her manner was warm and engaging, and she really loved fairy tales.

She had a lot of knowledge about how they were illustrated, and seemed to get it about dark fairy tales.

Anybody who approaches a subject with knowledge and understanding is going to bring a lot to the table.

I really liked Natalya a lot. I probably made the decision to hire immediately, even though I had interviews with 2 more people.

But I also liked Sonja, my 2nd interviewee. I can’t remember the name of the 3rd artist I met, and I don’t care enough to dig through my email to find out.

She was very professional and had a lot of materials. In the moment, I actually considered her for the covers of my adult work.

I had loved BANE’s art who worked on “Ella Bandita and the Wanderer,” and did all the work for the novelettes.

He was also a pleasure to work with. But he stopped illustrating due to problems with his vision.

This 3rd artist assured me she was good at imitation. I considered working with her, and quasi-offered her that job during the interview, which she quasi-accepted.

The problem was her demeanor. She was cordial and professional, but very cold.

Since I’m pretty scatter-brained, I showed up looking like a mess after workout, while she showed up immaculate.

I also was a mess when I had met Natalya. But there was nothing in the way she acted that inspired me to feel self-conscious.

When I walked away from that 3rd interview, I felt icky. If we really can feel energy from people, it’s possible the woman I just interviewed judged me unkindly. 

Of course, all this may be my imagination or insecurity.

Either way, I don’t see the point of working with somebody AND PAYING HER if I feel like sh*t when I walk away from a meeting. I mean…Eeeewwww…

So, Natalya got the job. I had my first meeting with her and I’m already so happy with the choice I made.

Tiny Victories and Tremendous Satisfaction

Storytelling

I’ve always used storytelling as a vehicle to get my work out there, but it is also an art form that I love in and of itself. So, since January of 2017, I’ve done these events called Tea & Tales where I tell a story out of Ella Bandita as well as fables, myths, and folk tales from all over the world. We lounge on pillows, drink herbal tea, chill out, and the audience listens while I talk. Sometimes I sell a novel out of this, but for the most part, donations are the only payment I get out of it. The first year, I quickly figured out that Tea & Tales 2x/month-year-round is not realistic. So Tea & Tales has since become a monthly event that happens seasonally from the fall until mid-Spring when the days are noticeably longer.

I was burned out at the end of this season. I was more than ready for the last Tea & Tales on April 7th to come and go because the light was increasing along with my restlessness, and I was more than ready to be done for the rest of spring and summer. I’m proud of what I’ve done with Tea & Tales, that I’ve stuck with it for 3 seasons, and have slowly built up a network of regulars that I can count on somebody showing up.

For the first 2 seasons, I had only 1 regular who I could count on, and Simran is fabulous. He kept me going, showing up when nobody else did. And so long as he was there, I told my stories and got some practice. He even participated as a guest storyteller a couple of times, and he painted my Tea & Tales sandwich board sign on both sides. Isn’t it fabulous?

During the 2nd season, I promoted and emailed and pushed and had larger audiences as a result, but I did not gain new regulars. I tend to find my regulars through the things I like to do. For example, I love espresso and my favorite barista came to a few of the Tea & Tales this season. A friend of mine has been coming, and a couple of potential new ones came who I met through a women’s group that I recently joined. Marc started coming in the 2nd season, and he invited me to do a skit with him through Open Heart Mic after I did a storytelling there.

And on this last Tea & Tales, a young woman showed up who had seen me last year at Open Heart Mic. This was the first she had seen of my Tea & Tales on Facebook, and she jumped right in. The fact that she came a YEAR after she had seen me perform at Open Heart Mic left me elated.

If that’s not the highest compliment to what I do, I don’t know what is. These are the small victories that keep us going. I may have to promote more next season, but I also need to get out there at other events. That was a gorgeous eye opener, and a warm glow that will last me until the fall when I do it all over again.

Picking Up Strays - On the Road # 10

IndieAuthor

Hey y’all,

Again, this is a letter written 14 years after the DIYBTRT in Alaska, the summer and fall of 2005. So Joe and I decided to go to Valdez first before heading to McCarthy for the Blackburn Festival. We were curious to follow the pipeline all the way to Valdez. But Joe slept on that drive, which I couldn’t believe. Maybe he has since experienced the incredible beauty I did. But the drive between the Wrangell/St Elias range and the Chugach range is known for a low cloud cover ALL THE TIME. On that day, the cloud cover lifted and what I saw was all kinds of jaw-dropping-stunning-gorgeous! The jagged peaks, glaciers that stretched almost to the road (or so it seemed) and the deep, rich, emerald green that was both vivid and surreal, I felt like I was driving through a mythical land. Where I lived was plenty beautiful, but this was the most exquisite part of Alaska that I ever saw. And that was only from the road. That was not the backcountry.

Joe decided to stay on in Valdez in the hopes of getting another fishing job. He didn’t and joined me at Blackburn, where we stayed in my half collapsed tent. Shannon, the friend from the peanut oil bus, saw Joe entering my tent and was about to deck him, when I showed up and reassured her that he was a friend of mine. The Festival happened, and the blogs about it are here and here for anybody who’d like to read about it.

Another friend joked that I picked up strays along the way and took them for a ride of a brief spell in my road trip, and that was true after this Girdwood party in Kennicott. I don’t remember how this happened, but after the Festival was over, there were a handful of us who stayed in the parking lot for another night. A photographer from Girdwood who had a passing resemblance to one of the Bee Gees in their prime, he had long hair and a beard, and a similar mindset to somebody who came of age in the Disco era – and no he was not of that age. I think Girdwood’s random lesbian, a cute girl with a pixie blonde haircut and large heart shaped sunglasses, a responsible looking woman and her husband, and me and Joe. Anyway, the Bee Gees photographer dude caught a ride with me and my Beast filled with books, and Joe in the backseat. The drive was several hours to Anchorage and then around Turnagain Arm to Girdwood. The photographer lectured Joe about his attitude about something or other, which pissed Joe off to no end. We still had a place to crash, and Bee Gees Photographer Dude showed us the pictures he had taken of all the belly dancers gyrating near the rusting ruins of a defunct copper mine – because of course, he took a lot pictures of the belly dancers. He didn’t get ANY shots of the magical moment when they danced spontaneously. I doubt the essence of that dance could have been captured in a snapshot though.

Anyway, that catches up the gaps in that particular squeeze of time that I neglected to write home about.

Peace,

Montgomery

Love Story vs. Romance

passion.jpg

So what distinguishes a love story from the romance genre?

Although I’ve gained a new respect for romance novels – which you can read about here - I’m more than a little frustrated that my former assistant put “romance” all over my META data and keywords.

I don’t write romance, and to put that in my META data to increase SEO is false advertising.

Anybody who stumbles across my work and mistakenly buys it is going to be really pissed off when they encounter a predatory seductress who’d rather eat the hearts of her conquests than live happily-ever-after.

So what are the differences between love stories and romance?

There are broad generalizations, but I’ve come up with a few reasons why love stories command my respect and I struggle with romance.

If written well, a love story can be considered literary fiction. Romance follows a formula and that always makes it commercial, even if it’s beautifully written.

If we’re going into the classic love stories, a couple of examples are Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice,” as is “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte.

“Pride and Prejudice” ends nicely, but not in a smarmy way. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy had to earn their happy ending. “Wuthering Heights” has a morose aura of tragedy and does end well with Catherine and Heathcliff together.

For film, “A Star is Born” is definitely a love story, and so beloved it has been remade over and over again, yet still makes an impact. And it ends sadly.

Since I don’t read romance novels, I don’t know who the latest prolific romance novelist is after Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, but I do know both of those women made a fortune off their genres. In movies, there are too many rom-coms to list.

A love story often has a slower pace without too many plot twists. Romance is all about the drama of obstacles to these star-crossed lovers.

A love story can be set within an ordinary life, or an extraordinary circumstance in an ordinary life; whereas romance tends to be set in exotic times and places.

But I think the greatest distinction between a love story and a romance is in the ending.

Romance novels, by their very nature of romantic escapism, must have a happy ending. Romance always ends with the man and woman are together against all odds.

Since love stories are closer to life, sometimes they end happily – as was the case for Jane and Elizabeth Bennet in “Pride and Prejudice,” but not always.

It could be argued that “Pride and Prejudice” was an early romance novel because the happily-ever-after ending was not true to life. This also wasn’t what the writer, Jane Austen, actually experienced in her life.

Marrying within your social class and with an attention to money was an insurmountable obstacle in Regency England. Jane Austen did not get the guy because her family, although respectable, was not moneyed.

Perhaps that aura of loss and disappointment lent itself to the happy endings of her novels. But they still qualify as love stories, not romances. On the other hand, “Northanger Abbey” was silly enough to be a romance.

In “Wuthering Heights,” Catherine Earnshaw married somebody stable and died young. No happily-ever-after for her.

In the “Bridges of Madison County,” Francesca stayed with her husband rather than leaving him for a sexy photographer/soulmate.

Love stories can end happily, but they don’t have to. This is probably why they command respect that romance doesn’t. Here’s another blog on the differences between love story and romance here.

One of my early reviews on Amazon about Ella Bandita and the Wanderer declared that theirs was a love story. Not a happily ever after love story, but a love story nonetheless. That is why I’m kind of pissed about romance being in my META data.

My Ideal Reader Profile

ReaderProfile

Reader profile? Most promotional emails for writers are bulls**t, but I just received one from a publicist who specializes in indie authors about creating a reader profile to increase book sales and find my audience – or my “true fans.” She referred to specifics that go beyond the basics, that go beyond “women who have hopes and dreams.’

That got my attention. In the mistakes I’ve made in the last 4 ½ years (this does not include the mistakes I made in the decade before that), some things became crystal clear – especially who my audience was NOT.

I discovered my audience was not who I thought they would be. My audience does not comprise upper-middle class women between the ages of 18-40 who have enjoyed the privilege of fairly stable lives with occasional bumps, wobbles, and unexpected twists in the road. That’s not to say that people in that group did not or could not enjoy my work because many of them have; I’m merely saying they didn’t connect deeply with it.

Technically, my genre is fantasy. But that is not the deciding factor in who is likely to love my work.

Loss has been the defining characteristic of my audience. I was surprised to learn that. Over time, I have found the readers who understood the character of Ella Bandita and who resonated with the stories about her were people who had suffered a lot. Gender, age, education, those didn’t matter so much. I’m not talking about mourning over the death of beloved family members of friends, but the kind of pain that involves the loss of self, parts of yourself, or who you thought you always were.

Have your illusions been destroyed?

Have your dreams been lost or even stolen?

Have you had no choice but to reinvent yourself?

In a nutshell, has Life kicked your ass?

Anybody who has answered yes to any of these questions – and likes to read – is a likely member of my natural audience. Given that Ella Bandita was born from the dark side of my soul, who else would make up my “true fans” but those who were also intimately acquainted with their shadows? My natural audience is made up of individuals who have had to work hard to find their place in this world. They are those who have gone through the hell and come out intact.

This is not to say that somebody who has enjoyed a steady, stable life without trauma wouldn’t like or love my work. Grief comes to us through all kinds of paths. There are many ways to be broken open, and the most avid lovers of books are those who need to escape the unhappiness of their own lives. 

I don’t know if there’s a Reddit thread for this or a Facebook group, but I’d be curious how a publicist would handle a reader profile like this one. I doubt that is what this publicist had in mind. Maybe she could tackle it.

 

 

Serendipity and a Squatter's Treehouse - On the Road # 9

AlaskaRoadTrip

Hey y’all,

This letter is written long after that wondrous DIYBTRT (do-it-yourself-book-tour-road-trip) of 2005-2006 was over. At the time, one friend told me to take copious notes so I would not forget ANYTHING. Well, I didn’t and fortunately, the emails I wrote during that time were enough of a push that I could much remember the gaps much later. I realize the perspective of looking back does not carry the excitement and immediacy of the present moment as I was living through it; but I hope to fill in those gaps and be more honest about the downs of an experience where I only drew attention to the ups. The downside of the original emails was that I was showing off.

So before the Blackburn Music Festival near the Kennicott glacier that I wrote about in these blogs here and here, Joe and I crossed paths with our mutual friend Ela while I was in Seward. Anybody who has ever lived in Alaska knows that this a small town in a huge state. Since there are a lot of seasonal nomads who go to various parts of the state to where the work is, I ran into a lot of people I knew from Juneau. Joe had been fishing out of the Alaska peninsula; Ela was working in Girdwood for the summer. Later, I would run into friends in Fairbanks, and then I would meet their friends who then became my friends.

Keep in mind this was before Facebook and other forms of social media.

So anyway, I knew Joe and Ela from Outdoor Studies - a program where we would learn about how to navigate the Alaskan outdoors – kayaking, rafting, glacier travel and crevasse rescue, ice climbing, rock climbing, as well as hiking, backpacking, and navigation. I broke my experience down to two years and Joe was in my first year, and Ela in my second. After we ran into Ela, we headed up to Girdwood with her and stayed the night in a squatter’s tree house where Ela had lived all winter – even with a broken back. She peed when she had to in a plastic milk gallon jug with the top half cut off, whereas able-bodied me and Joe went down the ladder to pee outside. She said we had to be careful going in and out because the town of Girdwood was tearing down the tree houses, so more people would have to pay rent, and this one was particularly vulnerable because it was close to Alyeska resort. So she always dressed as if she was coming out of a hike, and passed on the treehouse to us, as she was about to leave Girdwood.

I wish I could have taken her up on it. Later, Joe and I would stay the night with Pando in the treehouse (blog about Pando here). He may have claimed it because this was right up his alley. But I remember that night as being a challenge to my patience, because Pando and Joe were wasted, loud, and obnoxious. Perhaps if I had been drunk too, I would have been fine, but I wasn’t. So it was less than ideal to be in tiny treehouse in a loft with two drunks laughing at nothing on the floor below you.

I hope that treehouse is still there, but I doubt it. Girdwood has changed a lot.

Anyway, after the treehouse adventure – or maybe we stayed in the treehouse after this camping trip, I’m not sure – we met up with another friend from outdoor studies, Winter. She was staying with her father in Sterling, and her sister Brita was there as well. The five of us went on an overnight hiking and camping trip on what is now known as the Primrose and Lost Lakes trail – about 15 miles of hiking through beautiful rainforest and a stunning alpine ridge trail with stunning views.

Of course, it was a total blast and Joe loved nothing more than being the only guy in a group of girls. Even if he didn’t hook up, he loved being in the circle of how crazy and off-color women can be with each other with no men around.

Of course, I don’t remember the particular conversations from a camping trip I made more than 14 years ago. But I do remember how good it felt to be in such good shape that I could backpack at the last minute, and do a 15 mile trail with no problem. I also remember the beauty of Alaska and how much it hurt when it was time to leave that state. I also remember that I heard about Blackburn that would take place the following weekend from Ela on that camping trip. Once we arrived at how chosen place to camp, we sunbathed on the ridge, and chilled out in a warm sun while Ela told us about this really cool party. She was bummed out she couldn’t make it because of work, but Joe and I decided at the last minute to go.

The spontaneity and serendipity of that road trip were the headiest miracles about it. I was constantly amazed how a chance meeting led to an adventure, which led to another escapade and so on. I realize it’s not sustainable for most people to live like that all the time because I did this trip long enough to experience the exhaustion of it.

But it sure was incredible while it lasted. I still miss the freedom I had on that trip. 

Peace,

Montgomery

Hippie Belly Dancers in Shangri-la - On the Road #8

DIY.Indie.Author.Roadtrip.Adventure

Hey y'all,

Yesterday I promised other random snippets - you know, impressions and stories that don't fit anywhere, but are good in and of themselves, but after the Pando story, it just didn't seem to fit. If you’d like to read letter before this one, click here.

Anyway here goes:

Hippie Belly Dancers in Shangri-la. 

As I said, when I arrived at the Girdwood party in Kennicott, there was a drumming band playing and belly dancers gyrating. They seemed discombobulated though. Not all their troupe showed up and they were crowded amongst the ruins of a copper mine, and had difficultygetting it together, you know? It was cool and all that, but they were not in sync, within themselves or with each other. 

Of course, I didn't know that until later, I just thought it was an amateur group having fun with their friends...

Later as the sun went down, and the "official" festival was over, the late-night band – Smooth Money Gesture - was setting up their stage down on the moraine - yes, as in glacier - because they agreed to be good neighbors and move the party away from the lodge - a drum circle started at one of the tents. 

The festival was on a hill below an old lodge, which probably used to be part of the copper mine that was in operation in the area for a short time, and above the terminal moraine of a glacier. It's embarrassing, but I can't remember the name of it, but as this glacier cut through a few different valley, it carved so much silt, that it sat on top of it - three feet of it, so it looked like the surface of the moon. You could see rolling hills lines in reddish, yellowish, and grayish hues indicating that this soil came from different valleys. So that was the view.

The tent where this drum circle started up, was right on the edge of this moraine that looked like the end of the world - unless somebody told you, you'd never know there was an ancient glacier underneath. As two or three people started drumming, I left my dilapidated tent (I'd forgotten one pole - kind of a crisis when the tent requires two) to hang out there and sat on the ground, with everybody else. Before long one of the belly dancers came out of the tent.  Instead of her skimpy top, she was wearing a lightweight white sweater with a hood, her long reddish brown hair flowing to her waist. As the music continued, she slowly started to dance, moving her shoulders and upper back in a wave as she spread her arms out and her hips joined in. A couple more people joined the drum circle, beating on plastic buckets, but strangely enough it worked. After a few more minutes, another dancer joined the first, and they synchronized beautifully as they shook their hips when the tempo was fast and circling their hands and fingers slowly above their heads when the tempo was slow. Then a third joined them, and those of us sitting down moved back as they danced in a circle, kicking up their legs and moving in concert. The fourth that joined them didn't have the space to dance, so she added to the beat of the music by shaking bells. The night was cloudy, but every so often the moon peaked through, illuminating the scene that was lit between twilight and darkness...Sitting on the ground, we were at the level of the music, while the dancers celebrated the life in their bodies above us - backlit by the night sky and whatever lamps were coming from the heart of camp. From the ground, they looked like goddesses, once I stood up to move around, they were ordinary women dancing with their friends. The spell was broken and I moved on.  

It was only twenty minutes, but the magic of that time is forever etched in my mind. 

Something tells me this is a good time to stop...

Feel free to drop me a line, y'all know I love to hear from you even when I am on my happy trails...

Montgomery

PS: This was from the DIY booktour/roadtrip I took in 2005/2006. Fortunately or unfortunately, my email journal to my friends was the record I kept of that time. I took NO PICTURES. So this image I used, although striking, has nothing to do with that night.