This is part 2 of “Modern Sexual Healers and Backstory.” If you’d like to read the first half of this, click HERE.
Back to that gray area of sex work and therapeutic healing, the combo sure makes a tangled snafu, doesn’t it?
Even if this work is illegal, this field is burgeoning. There are now many names this work goes by – sexological bodyworker is the latest I’ve heard of – and that has a more professional ring to it.
It’s gone international. There were several sexbod workers (what they call themselves) from various parts of the world who came to the Masters. They came not only for their personal sexuality, but also to expand their skillset.
People who have more prestigious, high-respect careers are adding sexual healing to their repertoire. Regardless of the respect I lost for her, Sierra is educated as a naturopath and acupuncturist, but she claims to do this work – along with “healing people’s souls.” (Yes, she actually said that.)
Another woman from Charles Muir’s team had also studied Taoist sexuality with Mantak Chia, and has claimed to reach expertise in both is a medical doctor. She too does this work.
To all this, I say: “Bravo!”
Sex is important. Great sex is good for the body, the heart, and the soul. The stronger the orgasm, the more thorough the release. It’s absurd to think there’s still so much shame around sexuality, that people are still so reluctant to talk about it.
There is a desperate need for sexual healing. And traditional talk therapy hasn’t cut it. At all.
The culture of shame and repression is harmful enough before abuse even gets a mention.
Sexual abuse, molestation, rape, incest, exploitation, and all other forms of abuse have been a scourge on humanity, on women and children for a really long time. This has been happening over generations and for centuries, probably from the beginning of the human race, and it’s really fucked people up.
It’s fucked with discernment in the areas of trust, self-worth, opening up, healthy attachment, intimacy, loving relationships, equal friendships, communication, sexual response – I could go on and on about this – and that’s without addressing the addiction, isolation, and self-destructive tendencies that are often by-products of sexual trauma.
People need each other. We need community, connection, intimacy, RELATIONSHIP. If life really is all about those people we connect with and love and relate to, it’s appalling and unfair that so many people have suffered through some kind of abuse that has screwed up those internal systems which bring us to healthy love, friendship, connection, intimacy, and sexuality.
How do I know all this?
Because I’ve lived through my fair share.
I prefer not to go into detail, but my experiences with double standards, chauvinism, sexism, misogyny, sex-negativity, hate-filled religious thinking, sexual abuse, rape and the fear of rape, not to mention the daily assaults - both great and small - on feminine pride and dignity that all women and girls endure; all this definitely messed with my ability to have loving, healthy relationships and great sex.
My experiences aren’t particularly unusual. So many people have been through similar and much, much worse.
Yet I have spent the lion’s share of my adulthood trying to heal. Tantra and Neo-Tantra – among many other non-sexual modalities – have been a part of that.
I wish I could claim that all my efforts have been a complete success, but my last relationship proves that the results have been a mixed bag.
I stayed in a toxic relationship for far too long in spite of my best efforts to end it in a timely manner when I knew it would never work. I allowed myself to be manipulated because of my fears of being alone.
I’m not just embarrassed, I’m ashamed of that. By the time my ex-fiancée and I broke up, not only was I no longer in love with her, she was somebody I couldn’t stand. And I can’t say I love the parts of me that caved under pressure and stayed with her.
I really thought I was stronger and smarter than that. I thought I had “healed.”
In all, it’s a relief that people are starting to talk about it. As a society, we have only had this conversation with any degree of openness and compassion for maybe 20-30 years. That’s not a lot of time for trauma that runs deep through the generations.
The vista of sexual healing really is a wild and raw frontier that is mostly unexplored. And everybody who comes to this – “master,” teacher, enthusiastic student, “tantrika,” “dakini,” sexual surrogate, shamanic sexual healer, sexological bodyworker – we’re coming to this with our histories, our wounds, our triggers, and our shit.
There is a lot of discovery to be had, growth to embrace. And in that journey, mistakes will be made.
It would also be nice if legality could meet this exploration with justice and compassion.
Maybe then there wouldn’t be this need to hide behind the verbiage of Tantra.
For everybody who has read this far, thanks for joining this ride with me.
