The Wanderer was shaking, and before he could stop himself, began to sob.
He felt the girl stiffen and her weight shift.
But he sat up and grabbed her, burying his face in her neck.
“Let me go, Wanderer!”
But he had to hold on.
He couldn’t see anything but the nightmares and memories still haunting him. The images were slow to disappear. But they did the more he became aware of his surroundings, the hard ground underneath him, the chill on his skin, his rough blanket fallen around him.
The girl was rigid in his arms, but warm and soft.
He held her tight, breathing in her aroma. He was surprised when he noticed her folded legs hugging his hips. She must have climbed on top of him during his nightmare.
Then he remembered.
“Did I hit you?”
“Yes, you did,” she said. “Now that you’ve finally come back to your senses, will you please let me go?”
He strained to make out her shape, but that was impossible in the darkness of his tent. Her smooth liquor voice and sweet pungent smell disoriented him. Only the feel and smell of her made this seem real.
He wished she would touch him. Maybe then he could stop shaking.
“Can’t you just hold me for a while?” he asked.
“You can’t be serious. You want me to comfort you?”
“Is that really asking so much?”
“Yeah it is,” she said. “I’m not exactly the comforting type.”
“You woke me up from a nightmare, didn’t you?”
“Because you were screaming and woke me up. What else was I supposed to do?”
The girl sounded as bored and detached as always.
For once, the Wanderer welcomed the bitter hardness to pulse inside him, anything to make the terror go away. But his rage wasn’t enough. His limbs were overpowered with a violence of trembling he couldn’t stop.
He didn’t know who he despised more, the girl for her indifference or himself for needing her not to be.
“I’d like to know something about you,” he snapped. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Go ahead,” she said. “Ask whatever you want.”
“Do you ever hate yourself?”
He savored the sharp intake of her breath. He had actually gotten to her. The Wanderer knew for certain when she didn’t answer right away, a victory he hadn’t foreseen.
“Well,” he persisted. “Do you?”
“All the time,” she said. “If you must know.”
“I dare you to try something different. You might surprise us both.”
“I have no idea what you want of me, Wanderer.”
“That’s crazy,” he said. “Hasn’t anybody ever calmed you down when you were upset?”
She fell silent, but the Wanderer didn’t push her to answer.
He regretted his harsh words. The thrill of cruelty was already wearing off and left him ashamed. It was strange talking to the girl without being able to see her. The blackness made their dialogue a specter floating in the abyss where it would be forever suspended.
“Yes,” she finally said. “Once, there was somebody who did.”
There was weariness, even sadness, in her voice he never heard before.
The Wanderer was surprised by the flush of sympathy pouring into him, even relieved. His compassion brought him back to the man he had always been, whose kindness and goodwill made him friends all over the world, the man his grandfather had raised him to be.
“All right,” he said gently. “Why don’t you start with that and go from there?”
The Wanderer couldn’t believe it when the girl did as he asked.
She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him, her head falling to his shoulder and nestling against his neck. She gave a long sigh when he pulled her close, her body melting into his and her hands slowly stroking the length of his back.
The Wanderer gripped her until the shaking subsided in smaller waves. Then he loosened his arms and they continued to hold each other, their breathing merging and rolling in mirror rhythms. His lungs expanded with the air she pushed out and his breath flowed into her every time he exhaled.
Then his trembling was gone.
His face still buried in her neck where her scent was lighter. He inhaled deeply and let his hands roam over her back.
The girl didn’t resist, returning his caresses with her own.
Before the Wanderer knew what he was doing, he brought his lips to the flesh below her ear.
But the girl didn’t pull away.
He felt the offering she made of her neck, her sighs longer and louder as he nibbled down the canal to the base of her throat.
In a swoon, the Wanderer collapsed to the ground and the girl fell with him.
