Pans were the sons of the God Pan, His Profane Holiness of the F*ck.
So long as Pan followed the rules of the gods, and kept his c*ck for the c*nt of nymphs, balance was maintained. Those demigoddesses had enough magic to copulate endlessly without Pan’s seed fattening their bellies with child.
Most nymphs chose eternal maidenhood, savoring the delicious pleasure found in their lithe, nubile forms and the nectar of their sweet juices.
Every once in a while, there would be an exception.
A nymph would grow bored of the endless revelry of giggles and romps. Then they allowed Pan’s seed to plant as they willingly passed into the phase of the Mother and brought to life more gods into the heavens.
Or so it went most of the time.
Every so often, things happened a little differently.
According to my grandmother, her grandmother - my great-great-grandmother Nonny - had been a water nymph until the day she met a hunter, and unexpectedly and inextricably fell in love with him.
Nonny was even more deviant than the other nymphs.
Instead of the God Pan, she chose a mortal man to wife her down and begat upon her womb the mortal children of humanity. With her husband, Nonny birthed many babies. My grandmother’s father was the tenth of Nonny’s eleven children.
I have memories of her.
Nonny was the one who gave me my name.
I was born in that evening hour after the sun drops below the horizon, when the fire of evening sky gives way to the deep lavender of twilight before night falls and darkness rises.
“Dusky,” Nonny declared, as soon as she saw me. “No other name will do.”
My mother had wanted to name me Rose.
But she didn’t dare argue with her great-grandmother. Nonny was a true matriarch, and her word was law.
Even though Nonny gave up immortality, she had enough left that she long outlived her husband. I never knew my great-great grandfather. Nobody ever knew Nonny’s true age, but she didn’t leave this world until she was well past a century.
She joyfully embodied the phase of the Crone. Her face wrinkled and wizened from decades of joy and suffering, triumphs and defeats, births and deaths.
Until the day she died, her faded eyes gleamed with mischief as if Nonny had enjoyed the grandest joke on us all.
Perhaps she had.
There was not a vestige left of the maiden nymph she had once been; yet there was not a sliver of regret in her.
But to get back to Pan and his nymphs. Even the most lascivious nymph needed a rest from time to time.
And that left enough empty spaces for Pan and his voracious lust to break the rules of the gods, and seduce mere mortal women like me.
Well, not exactly like me. But I’ll get to that soon enough.
As His Profane Holiness of the F*ck, how could he not break the rules, not want to spread his seed in many kinds of soil?
And human women, we’ve always been so easily caught off guard and so limited in our options to protect our wombs from inconvenient progeny.
So His Profane Holiness of the F*ck spread his seed far and wide, and thus, the mortal Pans were born.
They took after their father, lotharios of the f*ck and duck.
Although mostly human, the mortal Pans could still shapeshift to horny half goats with furry haunches, hooved feet, hirsute faces, and horns protruding from their skulls.
Their transformation was happenstance, however. Sometimes their forms shifted before the F*ck or during the F*ck, but never after.
I had heard stories about them all my life. My grandmother, Mamie, was obsessed with the Pans, and collected tales of their intrigues and seductions.
She had quite the collection too.
Mamie swears she gave her maidenhead to a Pan.
Mamie was never one to take unnecessary risks if the lost gamble would cost too much. She took pennyroyal to prevent pregnancy from the virile seed planted in her. In case the pennyroyal didn’t work, Mamie married my grandfather.
It was absurdly easy for Mamie to find a husband. As the descendants of a water nymph, the women in my family are very alluring, and thus have no trouble attracting suitors and ardent devotion.
I spent a lot of time with Mamie when I grew up, to the point that I pretty much lived with her. I felt more at ease with her than with my parents.
My parents had an easy-going, mild-mannered style of love that I would later come to realize was extremely rare. They allowed me to stay where I wished without a fuss. I appreciated that about them. In the long run, they made my life so much easier.
Mamie lived with her older sister, my Great-Aunt Dottie. For some mysterious reason that was never explained, Great-Aunt Dottie never married, and Mamie moved in with her after my grandfather died.
Mamie told me the story of her seduction many times as I grew up. The older I became, the more explicit her descriptions. By the time I was fourteen, I knew every detail of how she had been seduced.
Many people thought that somewhat odd and quite perverse, but we’ve always been very open about the F*ck in my family.
Great-Aunt Dottie always shook her head and rolled her eyes whenever she overheard Mamie’s stories about her night with the Pan.
“He wasn’t a Pan,” she drawled. “You didn’t get pregnant.”
“I took pennyroyal!” Mamie protested. “Pans can’t resist women descended from nymphs, you know that!”
“Pans can’t resist women, period. He was too slick and good-looking to be a Pan. He was just a rogue.”
This was a long-standing argument between them. Good natured bickering like this often occurred in our family. But there was never any judgment. We embraced the Power of the F*ck.
