The Heroic Great Queer Hope and My Tantra Buddy - Tantric Shitshow, Part 5

Image by Dmitri Posudin from Pixabay 

Hey y’all,

One legitimate complaint Sierra had about Source Tantra - it was 3 full days before any announcement that drew attention to her as the LGBTQ pod leader.

As I wrote earlier, there were a few queer women involved in Source Tantra - gay dakini Lisa, lesbian doctor Debbie, and 2 bisexual pod leaders.

On the day I left, I learned dakinis Leah and Lisa, and some of the advanced and elite teachers, were exploring ways to make this event more queer-inclusive with who they already had.

But Sierra squawked and hollered about the last Masters where the gays didn’t find each other until Day 9 out of a 10 day workshop, and she was the Great Queer Hope.

If they wanted to make the Masters more queer-safe and queer-friendly, she was the one for the job.

Yeah, right.

Anyway, Solla, the organizer of the Masters event, couldn’t bring herself to introduce Sierra as the queer pod leader. Instead, she formed random pods through numbers – all 1s go to such and so, all 2s go to who do you call her, all 3s, etc.

This was the first night.

Since I believed Sierra would provide the queer base she said she would, I left the pod I landed in to join hers, even though her pod looked as straight as mine.

Sierra had what my grandmothers used to call “a bosom,” and hers was an ample bosom.

Heroic Sierra draped a rainbow flag across that ample bosom and declared her pod for the queers.

Her pod looked so confused. Some even looked stricken.

“If you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning, that’s who I’m here for.”

Everybody cleared out fast. The queer pod was down to me and Sierra.

Solla came running over with a panicked what-the-hell-just-happened look on her face.

Somehow 3 brave souls wandered back to the queer pod.

One was a Frenchwoman who gave off the vibe, but she made it clear that she wanted to connect with a man.

Another was a Polish woman who seemed rather fearless and I saw her holding hands with an English woman – maybe bisexual? More likely just European.

The third I’ll call Virgil (not his real name).

At almost 29, Virgil shared he didn’t have sex until he was 26, and that he’d only had sex with 1 girl. He didn’t get specific beyond that, which makes me think it only happened once – a near-virgin? Virgil said he was there to learn how to interact with the feminine.

That guy had my respect.

To be that transparent, and to show up to a workshop like the Masters with his inexperience - that takes epic courage. It also takes courage to stick it out in the queer pod when you’re straight. Inexperienced, but straight.

Anyway, we embraced ourselves as an intimate group. Because we were so small, there was time to share, and that’s how I learned so much about Virgil.

Sierra stated that everybody could ask her anything because she had LOTS of expertise in Tao and Tantra. Maybe she wants to be the Lesbian Charles Muir?

Our pod gained new members by the end of intention-sharing. These folks didn’t arrive until the 2nd day, and missed the rainbow flag draped across heroic Sierra’s ginormous tits.

For whatever reason, Solla finally recovered enough to introduce Sierra as the queer liaison. This was on the 3rd night.

And that’s how I got my Tantra Buddy.

Anyway, after Solla finally announced Sierra as one for the queers, Elise (not her real name) from Toronto approached her, said she was so relieved and that she now felt more comfortable there.

Sierra introduced me to Elise briefly at dinner. The next morning, I passed her on the break during Mantak Chia’s class. She said hi and we stopped to chat. She asked immediately if I’d be interested in being her tantra buddy to practice these techniques. Elise also said she was surprised to learn some new tricks in the lecture that she hadn’t come across before.

One thing about the Masters, they got the ball rolling. They gave us homework from the word go.

Dakini Leah made it very clear that we wouldn’t learn Neo-Tantra from reading and paying attention in class. We had to practice.

Because Sierra was too busy healing the souls of people who were 1000s of miles away, only to claim exhaustion afterwards, I hadn’t been able to practice at all.

It was the 4th day.

So in answer to Elise’s invitation, I was open to it but I’d like to get to know her some since I’d only met her for a minute the night before. Even though she asked me first, I asked if she was comfortable with something so intimate running out of the gate.

“Oh yeah,” she said. “I’m a sexological bodyworker and pro domme. I do this all the time.”

Ok then.

The Quixotic Quest of the Great Queer Hope II - Tantric Shitshow, Part 1

Image by ktphotography from Pixabay

Hey y’all,

[The beginning of this letter is the blog right after this one.]

I thought: “What the hell. I’ve never been to Thailand, and what better way to celebrate my freedom after ending a stifling, oppressive relationship than to go to SE Asia and start that journey with a Tantra adventure.”

So I signed right up.

This is the part where I should have done some research.

From the information I found online, the Masters – Mantak Chia (Tao) and Charles Muir (Tantra) - seemed really male, really straight, and much older than you would expect. Mantak Chia is 75 or 76, and Charles Muir just turned 73.

In other words, these men were of a different generation who never had to consider LGBTQ inclusiveness. Hell, they never even had to consider women – queer or straight – beyond making sure they had orgasms.

There was also no mention of Dr. Sierra Levy or a space for Queer Tantra in the description.

This would have been a good time to ask those questions. But I didn’t. And again, that’s on me.

So I get here.

This workshop was on Mantak Chia’s turf of Tao Garden Health Spa and Resort outside Chiang Mai. The grounds are lush and beautiful, there are yin/yang symbols everywhere, and there are all kinds of eastern healing modalities offered in the clinic and in the spa, some of which you can’t find anywhere else in the world, and it seems he keeps making up new treatments.

The environment there is far more Taoist than Tantric, but that’s ok. As complex as Taoist sexuality is, I learned just enough from Mantak Chia that I’m interested and curious to learn more - even if he was prone to saying “wagina” instead of “vagina,” especially when tired and his accent got so thick I hardly understood him. But I preferred his “wagina” to the excessive “yoni” talk that happened during Charles Muir’s lessons.

We’re not Hindu. Yoni coming out of an American mouth sounds pretentious. So pretty please, with sugar on top, call our bits the sacred cunt already. It’s more honest, not to mention sexier.

I finally ran into Sierra, who said she didn’t know how many people had signed up who were queer. Kind of odd for the head of queer tantra.

She said she had put the word out on Facebook and “other groups,” so maybe some would show up. She had heard there were “a few queers” here.

She also said that there would be an announcement drawing attention to her as the queer pod leader, and that’s how we would find each other.

People came to this workshop from all over the world - some couples, but mostly singles - of all ages and sizes, many between mid-twenties to early forties, and most seemed straight.

Although I suspect there were several bisexual women here, most of them were from Europe, a place where discretion is the better part of valor. From my experience, European lesbians/bisexuals are perfectly content to hide in plain sight.

And when you’re in a workshop that’s very patriarchal in its outlook, that’s probably a better way to be.

Oh, and both of the “Masters” in this Workshop on blissful, ecstatic love had a harem mentality when it came to women.

All this became more obvious every day.

So does this sound like the kind of Tantra workshop a queer woman would feel awesome in?

Umm….yeah…not. Dr. Sierra Levy did not tell me any of this.

Once I got here, Sierra told me a lot more. This was a biannual workshop – the 4th, and rumored to be the last “Masters.” She had been here for the 2nd and 3rd workshop, and said that both times had totally sucked.

“It’s so heterosexist,” she said. “I’m here to give support, and to make this a safe space for queers to be. The Masters need to evolve and change their language.”

And Sierra was here to make that happen.

She didn’t tell me any of that either when I had met her.

She had a particular hard-on for Charles Muir, the Master of Neo-Tantra.

Sierra had taken his course in California several years ago. When it came time for the men and women to separate to learn about yoni (cunt, goddammit!) and lingam (you mean cock?) massage, she piped up that she preferred to massage yonis .(cunts!)

Sierra insisted she’d rather join the men and Charles Muir refused to let her do it. He said she could buy his books and videos on how to massage the yoni.

(How about divine pussy? That has a nice ring.)

But Sierra Levy could not join the men.

“Well, what if I pack? Could I join the men then?” Sierra told me she asked him. “Charles Muir didn’t even know what I was talking about.”

Well, no. Why would he? Never mind the generational difference, most men who are mighty comfortable in their male privilege don’t take the time to learn the ways and verbiage of queer women.

Anyway, Dr. Sierra Levy, naturopath and acupuncturist has been pissed off at Charles Muir ever since.

Who knows how long she’s been a thorn in his side? She was determined to get him to evolve, and change his language to spill his secrets to a queer audience.

“I would rather die than change my language!” Charles Muir protested.

What’s mystifying to me is how many times she has taken his workshops. Again, this was her 3rd out of 4 Meeting of the Masters Workshop. And that doesn’t include the California workshop she took several years ago.

For what it’s worth, Sierra has a kind heart and I think she meant well. And to give credit where it’s due, the Sierra’s of this world do their part to bring about social change. They squawk long and loud, and eventually people have to listen, even if they only do so in the hope they’ll shut up.

Which she didn’t.

However, I did not knowingly or willingly sign up to be a part of her Quixotic Quest as the Great Queer Hope in the world of Neo-Tantra and Sexual Tao.

Oh, and by the way, she lacked the skills to be supportive to the one and only queer who showed up on her recommendation, much less be this stellar hero of the Great Queer Hope.

This was one of those scenarios where somebody wants to be a part of something so they can feel important and special, not for what they have to give to others.

If you’ve read this far, this is only the beginning.

Peace,

Mana

PS: Click HERE if you’d like to read the beginning of this letter.

The Quixotic Quest of the Great Queer Hope I - Tantric Shitshow Part 1

Image by KiraHundeDog from Pixabay

Hey y’all,

Well, that was a disaster.

I love being open. I love the results of being open most of the time. It’s a state that makes life more interesting, and jumping into the unknown has landed me in some spectacular places and experiences.

But every so often, I would be wise to exercise the caution of taking a closer look of what I’m jumping into.

And this Masters Workshop Tao Meets Tantra, with Sierra Levy (no – excuse me, I mean Doctor Sierra Levy, naturopath and acupuncturist), allegedly as the head of Queer Tantra was definitely one of those times.

I should have researched.

I should have asked questions. I should have asked a lot of questions.

But I didn’t, and that’s on me.

To get y’all up to speed, I left the Masters Workshop on Sunday, while it ends today, Wednesday. I came to Pai with Kip on Monday.

Right now, I’m sitting in a lovely little café on a dirt road with a lovely view of a small farm between this café and the place where Kip and I are staying in our respective mud huts.

Roosters are crowing, birds are chirping, the morning sun is bright, and it’s not too hot yet.

Photo by me.

Oh, and there’s a white Buddha statue on the hill above us.

There are lots of Buddhas on hills around here, and lots of temples.

I have this gorgeous little cappuccino set up in front of me, with a tiny cup of flower water on a small wooden tray, with a wooden spoon to stir as much brown sugar as I desire into my cappuccino.

In other words, I’m good, life is good, and I’m in a good place.

Photo by me.

I’ve also had some time to process long enough to find the humor in what I just left behind.

It’s fabulous when everything goes smoothly in life and travel, but the really good stories come from conflict and chaos, when everything goes to hell and all the drama that ensues.

So please excuse the length of this email. For those who want to dive with me, it will take several letters to tell all this in digestible chunks.

On that note, back to the shitshow and how I landed in it.

I met Sierra last summer at the first Cascadia Tantra Festival on the Olympic Peninsula. I almost didn’t go. I had finally gotten back in my house and I was exhausted. But the guest coordinator convinced me to come, insisted this would be so healing and nourishing after a breakup.

So I rallied and went.

This was one of those times when jumping off the cliff into the unknown was a gorgeous idea.

Five weeks after my split with Morgen, I was numb. The healing from the CTF was desperately needed. At the end of those few days, I was able to feel again, without feeling horrible. And to give credit where it’s due, Sierra Levy had been a part of that.

Sierra and I were 2 of 3 queer women there. The 3rd, Grace Bryant from Seattle, was one of the presenters and her 2 workshops – “Deconstructing Gender Identity” and “Non-Binary Tantra” - left little doubt as to what she was about and what she had to offer in this workshop.

On the last day of CTF, Sierra and I had paired up for an exercise in letting go through sending some love to those who had hurt us and who we hadn’t forgiven.

Sierra said: “I don’t need to do this. I’ve already done my work, but I can hold space while you release. I’m in bliss about 97% of the time.”

Looking back, that statement right there was a red flag.

But I went with the flow. In the exercise, we sat across from each other and held hands – left palm up and right palm down, left hand receives and right hand gives to make a circuit between us.

It was intense.

Energy coursed through me as tears streamed down my face.

I let go of so much shit inside of sorrow and the sorrow inside of shit about Morgen and her daughter, Yseult. Then they flowed out, and Robert (my late brother) and Keckley (his ex-wife) came in, and then my older brothers, then my parents, and I think you get the idea.

A powerful release like that is vulnerable and sets up a lot of trust.

After this exercise, Sierra and I continued talking, and agreeably lamented the lack of queer women who were also interested in studying Tantra. She then told me about this intensive Workshop in Thailand, and to spread the word to other queers who I thought might be interested.

“I’m heading up Queer Tantra,” so said Sierra, “and I want as many of us there as possible. There are only about 20 spaces left.”

“Are you teaching classes?” I asked.

“Maybe. My role hasn’t been fully defined yet.”

She friended me on Facebook and sent me the link. I kind of had a picture of her playing a role similar to what Grace Bryant had at this one.

I thought: “What the hell. I’ve never been to Thailand, and what better way to celebrate my freedom after ending a stifling, oppressive relationship than to go to SE Asia and start that journey with a Tantra adventure.”

So I signed right up.

This is the part where I should have done some research.

To be continued…

Peace,

Mana